Gazing into the distance while dreaming of our exotic honeymoon locale...

I had the earth shattering realization a few days ago that I have been a wifey for 5 months...5 WHOLE MONTHS, PEOPLE!! That may seem like a hiccup in time to some, but I can hardly believe how fast time has flown by. It feels like yesterday that John and I were up in front of our nearest and dearest, holding hands and exchanging vows. Of course, yours truly botched her vows and then proceeded to put the ring on John's right hand (oops)....but the important thing is that we did it!

Yep....5 whole months married to this studmuffin....or should I say STODMUFFIN??!?! (Epic nickname compliments of my superhero cohort, Superbek....check her out, she is an ultra rad wahine). And let me tell you, wedded bliss has been a walk in the park so far. I don't mean to brag, but my main squeeze leaves the toilet seat down, helps out with the dishes, stays on top of the laundry, and vacuums. Plus, he is one of those rare people that can always make me laugh....but when all else fails, so can this and this. ;)

You know what else makes me laugh? Our honeymoon. So without further ado, here are a few sordid and hilarious details from our honeymoon in Bali.

Captioned from left to right

Picture 1: This is at the Tegallalang Rice Terrace at North Ubud. It would have been awesome to really take the views in, but that is tough to do when an Australian man sics 9 kids hawking post cards in your direction and they all proceed to shove them in your face whilst you navigate the winding precipice of the terraces.
Picture 2: This is at Kuta Beach. John went to go drop some stuff off in the car, and left me alone on the beach. Big mistake. Within 3 mintues, I was surrounded by "Kuta cowboys" insinuating all sorts of sordid things I am 100% sure aren't kosher to do with other dudes aside from your hubby. Beautiful sunset though. A+.
Picture 3: This is a peacock at the Bali Bird Park. I actually have no bones to pick with this place. It was one of my faves on the island. They have every bird, reptile and tourist species available for your gawking pleasure.
Picture 4: This is in Jimbaran Bay beach in the Bukit peninsula. This was our first day in Bali, and it was gorgeous. Our hotel, The Four Seasons, had direct beach access and we nabbed some chairs, went swimming, and walked the 3 or 4 mile stretch along the beach. While I am 99% sure the travel books lied hardcore about the white sandy beach here, I saw a leathery looking French man in a spectacularly small speedo...win some, lose some.

Picture 1: So our fab cab driver Gede (pronounced G'day) took us to Pura Ulu Watu to watch the sunset and catch a Kecak dance (more on the Kecak in Row 5). This photo was taken right after I got sucker punched in the face by a rogue monkey.
Picture 2: These fabulous beaded baskets were photographed in the Ubud market. They had so many gorgeous textiles and dresses, and I went on a buying binge here. Loved it. But anywho, earlier that day I had been reading about how foot-borne parasites are a huge problem in Bali and to be careful not to go barefoot in public places. Right after I took this photo, my flip flop fell off and I stepped into a murky smelly brown puddle. Ewww. But that pic was worth it.
Picture 3: This is two gals doing their best Barong dance at 8 AM. The costumes were beautiful, and the dance was fun to watch. I will say that the melodic orchestra that is the equivalent of banging pots and pans at a decibel volume first thing in the morning is not recommended.
Picture 4: This a a photo of a temple located in Monkey Forest in Ubud. I loved this place...John and I went twice and just hung out. It is basically a forest with 3 gorgeous temples with trillions of cheeky monkeys running around, eating, sleeping, playing, and f**king.

Picture 1: Our breakfast spread at The Four Seasons. Seriously, the most legit breakfast menu I have ever seen....best way to start your morning! 
Picture 2: We went out on an all day excursion, and asked our cab driver to take us to a place where locals eat. They spoke zero English at this place (which I actually like because it made it ultra authentic), so we just pointed to the food we wanted and hoped we didn't get the squirts. We sat down, and ate. Our cab driver came in 20 minutes later, chowed some food and then stuck us with his bill. Nice.
Picture 3: Oh Bintang, how I love you. This local beer is actually pretty darn good, and it was so fun to park it at a table on the beach, sip a brewski, and take in the view.
Picture 4: Best seafood dinner ever. This is on the beach in Jimbaran at Teba's Cafe I think. The local fisherman get the day's fresh catch, and then the cafes lining the beach season and smoke the fish with young coconuts. It literally looks like the beach is on fire when all of the cafes are open at dinner time, and it is very romantic to eat on the beach by candle light. Props!

Picture 1:Ahahahaha this was in Monkey Forest in Ubud. John and I were sitting on this ledge, and all of the sudden, a little monkey hurls himself on John's back. He then crawled up and put his sweaty monkey ball sack all up in John's neck space, and then proceeded to munch and spit out some sort of potato for 10 mins. John's poor neck was totally violated...and I got a terrible case of the giggles.
Picture 2: This was totally adorable. This girl who was maybe 13 years old or so was teaching a group of 6 year olds a traditional Balinese dance. I nearly melted from the cuteness...and the heat.
Picture 3: This is when we were heading out of Jimbaran Bay, and about to check into our hotel in Seminyak. A week of Bali Belly (aka hell on Earth) ensued. I drafted up a last will and testament on a tissue while laying/sleeping on the bathroom floor, convinced that this was it.
Picture 4: Yay for the Kecak dance! Oh this was too cool. I pretty much kecaked my way through our entire honeymoon....it's a very catchy chant. Watch the vid, you'll see.

Picture 1: Probably one of my fave sights on the island was the temple at Gunung Kawi. It was a hike to get to, but so worth it. The monoliths date back to the 11th century. Wedged in between rice paddies and a stream, it is beyond beautiful there.
Picture 2: There was no electronics allowed in the hotel rooms, so in my spare time I sat around the Alila Ubud hotel pondering the biological basis of consciousness and whether or not there are any advanced and complex multicellular animals that have chloroplasts inside their bodies or under their skin. Heh........just kidding. I was probably thinking about how much I wanted to watch some Balinese TV.
Picture 3: This is the view of the beach in Jimbaran Bay from The Four Seasons. Looks purdy, huh?
Picture 4: Me jumping for joy because really...what's there not to be happy about?

So there you have it....well the better part of it at least. While Bali has a lot more work to do in my opinion to match it's "island paradise" reputation, it was a special place where John and I shared our first memories as a married couple. We laughed, I cried, we had an overall great time just being together. Would I go visit Bali again? Hells to the no. But I will always have the stories to tell, and for that I am grateful.